We all tend to get caught up in our thoughts, particularly when those thoughts are of the worry type; of the “what if…?” nature, which most worries are! Human beings don’t tolerate uncertainty well; a primitive throwback to when our brains were first wired to work on the survival principle of ‘better safe than sorry” or “just in case”.
Primitive man or woman sees the grass rustling in front of them. This is probably just the wind but there is always the possibility it might be a deadly snake waiting to attack. In this instance, their “better safe than sorry” brain makes the wise decision to avoid the grass and the possibility of death.
Fast forward a few hundred thousand years, survival remains the core evolutionary purpose of our brains. What has changed is the nature of the threats we live with on a day-to-day basis; interest rate rises, traffic delays, the pressure to live the ‘perfect social media life’ and thousands more, very rarely any of which pose an immediate risk to life. Unfortunately, a biological threat system that once kept us alive still operates on the same single ‘On’ or ‘Off” setting, meaning that our primitive fight, flight or freeze response can now by activated by something as potentially benign as a perceived flaw in how we look, speak or act.
Now, modern man or woman is invited by their new work colleagues for an informal after-work drink to celebrate the end of their first week. The doubts creep in and trigger the “what if..?” worries. In this instance, “What if they think I’m boring”, “What if I stumble over my words again?” or “What if they think I’m a fraud?” Still operating on the same “better safe than sorry” survival principle, the man or woman, just like their primitive ancestors, decides that this is a situation to be avoided at all cost, despite no risk to life and despite the fact that they really want is to get to know our colleagues.
We can invest a lot of time caught up in worries like these, trying to figure out if they might be true, false, likely or unlikely. By continuing to ruminate on them, we are automatically telling ourselves that they are important, require our attention and have some element of truth. None of this is productive.
The quickest way to move on from a worry is to decide just one thing…. is it a helpful or unhelpful thought in that moment? In order to make that decision, we first need to notice what we are worrying about, and that isn’t always as easy as it might sound. Part 2 of this blog will look at some of the skills and understanding we need to be able to notice our worries, step back from them and re-direct our attention.